You keep meeting the same person in different bodies.
Not literally. But the dynamic. The one where you give more than you get. The one where you shrink so someone else can feel bigger. The one where you wait to be chosen instead of choosing yourself first. It shows up as a partner, then as a friend, then as a boss, then as a client who never quite respects your time. Same shape, different face.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and it reminds me of something from school. We used to do orienteering, taken out into the middle of nowhere with a map and compass and told to find a series of points. No shortcuts. You had to actually work it out, get lost a bit, correct course, and eventually you’d stand at the marker with your heart going and think, there it is.
Life feels like that to me. Except instead of a map we get teachings and insight. Instead of a compass we get intuition. And instead of a nice clear course, we get obstacles. People who tell us things that aren’t true about who we are. Situations designed, in a strange way, to throw us off just long enough that we have to find our own way back.
Here’s what I think most of us miss. We’re not wandering randomly. There’s a set of points we’re each trying to reach, and until we reach one, we’ll keep being routed back to it. Different scenery, same point on the map.
Say you were with someone who hurt you. You leave, and you decide, quite reasonably, not to do that again. So you stay single for a while. Safe. Except a similar dynamic starts showing up somewhere else, in a friendship this time, or with a family member, or in the way a client treats you. The relationship changed shape. The lesson didn’t move.
I see this constantly with the women I work with. Clever, capable women who cannot understand why they keep ending up disappointed, overlooked, or taken for granted by people who are, on paper, nothing alike. They’ll say to me, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I keep choosing badly. And I always want to stop them there, because nothing is wrong with them. Something is trying to teach them something, and it will keep dressing up in new outfits until they finally see it.
Most of the time, underneath all of it, the lesson is about self love. Not in the candles and bubble baths sense. In the sense of, did you love yourself enough to leave when it stopped being right. Did you love yourself enough to say no. Did you love yourself enough to believe you were worth the good thing, not just the almost good enough thing.
Most of us arrived here having forgotten how worthy we actually are. That’s the borrowed belief sitting underneath so much of the disappointment, the hurt, the betrayal, the staying too long. Not our fault. Just something picked up early, from somewhere, that we’ve been carrying around as if it were true.
And here’s the part I find genuinely moving. I think we built this whole obstacle course ourselves, before we got here, as a way back to that worthiness. Not as punishment. As a kind of self love rom com, where you’re both the woman lost in the confusing middle bit and the one who eventually gets the ending she deserved, once she stops looking for someone else to give it to her.
This is exactly the work I do with women one to one. Not smoothing over the pattern or giving you a script for next time. Going underneath it to find where the belief came from in the first place, understanding it properly, and then actually rewriting it, through practical exercises, through guided meditation, sometimes through nothing more than the right question asked at the right moment. Once the belief changes, the pattern has nothing left to run on. You stop attracting the same lesson in a new outfit, because you’ve already learned it.
You don’t need another compass. You need to understand what you’ve actually been navigating towards this whole time. And once you see the point on the map clearly, once and for all, you get to stop circling it and just arrive.
If any of this resonates, if you recognise yourself circling the same point dressed up as different people and different situations, message me. I’d love to help you find where it started and finally close the loop.
